It’s like the pain is stuck in pause mode and I can’t seem to get the play button to work. So here I am forever stuck in pain mode. Doomed to forever wallow in this misery called my life. Wanting to move forward but can’t….
What if you have a home but you don’t have a heart. What if instead of a heart you have a big gaping whole that every waking moment you are trying to find something to fill it with. And if you ever do find something to fill the void you hope that the pain will subside. But eventually you find that it doesn’t and probably never will. You eventually start to learn to live with the pain, even if it means that everyday that you get up to start your day you are in constant pain. But not the kind of pain that is visible to others so that they will stop and help. You’re living with the kind of pain that is internal and has no cure because you are the expert at what true pain is and you conclude that at this very moment there is no hope. No hope of getting better, no hope of getting back at what once was, no hope of feeling the way you used to all those years ago. Just..no..hope. That is where home is, wherever the person that carries the ties that bind with them.
You know the people that make you so made just by their very presence? The people that always have something rude to say with every little thing that you do that consists of your daily routine? The people that would rather complain about something rather actually doing it for themselves? I have one of these people in my life and no matter how hard I try to get rid of her, she keeps latching back on like a starving leech. I guess you can’t really get away from someone when they’re part of your family. All you can do is live with them until you decide to go away to college or just to simply move out to start a life of your own. Away from it all, where you can be in your own world. Your own, sanctuary.
